Grooming is the deliberate process an offender uses to build trust with a child and often their family, with the goal of preparing the child for sexual abuse or exploitation. It is almost always gradual rather than sudden. The groomer makes the child feel special, understood, or in control while slowly breaking down normal boundaries. The NSPCC describes grooming as building a relationship, gaining trust, and creating a position of power over the child in preparation for abuse. It can take place online through social media, games, or apps, or in real life through schools, sports, religious groups, or within family and friend circles. The FBI explains that predators often begin with attention, affection, gifts, and kindness. They gradually introduce sexual content to lower a child’s defenses. A frequent modern tactic is sextortion, where an offender builds a fake relationship online and then blackmails the child into sending explicit images or performing sexual acts. Grooming works best when children feel they have no one to tell. That is why regular conversations and awareness matter so much.

Who Groomers Are and the Stages of Grooming

Groomers can be anyone. They may be complete strangers online who pretend to be the same age as your child, or they may be known adults such as coaches, family friends, mentors, or neighbors. They often look for children who seem lonely or seeking attention, but any child can be targeted. Experts describe grooming in five overlapping stages:

Recognizing these stages helps parents see patterns instead of isolated friendly behavior.

This section is designed for quick reference and memorization. Groomers use specific language to build emotional connection, test boundaries, create secrecy, and maintain control. These examples come from victim reports, counseling sessions, and law enforcement investigations. Review this list and share it with other adults in your child’s life. If you hear or see similar language—especially when it appears alongside other warning signs—pay close attention.

Trust-Building and Emotional Manipulation

“You’re so mature for your age.”
“I trust you more than anyone else.”
“You’re special / the only one who really understands me.”
Repeated statements of “I love you” that create pressure to say it back.Creating a False Sense of Control
“I’m not sure about this—I think you might be too young.”
“It was just an idea. It’s completely up to you.”Secrecy and Isolation Tactics
“This is just between us.”
“Don’t tell your parents—they wouldn’t understand.”
“If you tell anyone, I’ll get in trouble.”
“Keep this our little secret.”

Desensitization and Introducing Sexual Topics

“Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend yet? Have you kissed anyone?”
“I just want to make sure you’re being safe.” (often followed by personal or sexual questions)
Overly personal comments about the child’s body or appearance.
Suggestions to watch “adult” movies or share explicit content while acting casual.

The following glossary documents terms commonly used by predators in online communications with children. Many terms have multiple meanings. This list is provided for general parental awareness only and is not exhaustive.

Acronyms and Internet Slang

Catch a case – Willingness to being arrested and charged for something, often used in relation to sexual desire for someone who is much younger/under age.
CD9 or Code 9 – Parents are around.
DNI – Do not interact, especially as a warning of explicit/sexual content for under 18s.
DM;HS – Doesn't matter; had sex.
DPW – D*** pictures welcome.
Down in the DM – Using private messages on social media to ask for nude photos and/or to filter through people to find a sexual encounter.
GNRN – Get Naked Right Now.
GNOC – Get Naked On Camera.
LMIRL – Let's meet in real life.
LMP – Like my pic.
NIFOC – Naked in front of computer.
NP4NP – Naked Pic For Naked Pic.
P911 – Parent Alert.
PIR – Parent in room.
POS – Parent Over Shoulder.
POV – Point of view, and often indicates that a video is supposed to be filmed as if you're seeing through someone else's eyes.
Rule 34 – Any topic can be made into pornographic content.
Snacc/Snack – A person you find attractive.
Sneaky Link – Seeing someone for sex but you want to keep the relationship quiet.
Smash – To have casual sex.
TDTM – Talk dirty to me.
1174 – Nude club.
143 – I love you.
9 – Parent watching.Emojis and Their Potential Meanings

(Porn emoji, rhymes with corn) – corn, can be used to get around word restrictions on social media.

(Peach) – Bottom.

(Smiling Face with Horns) – Feeling frisky or naughty.

(Drooling Face) – Desiring someone sexually (often used in response to nudes).

(Steaming Bowl) – Nudes, which are often called "noods".

(Eyes) – Used when sending or receiving nudes.

(Hammer) – Sexual activity.

(Hot Pepper) – Spiciness, e.g., inappropriate or risqué content.

(Octopus) – Cuddles.

(Woozy Face) – Drunkenness, sexual arousal, or a grimace.Control and Silencing
“No one will believe you.”
“If you really cared about me, you would…”
Threats to share photos or information if the child tells anyone.Print or save this section. It gives you concrete language to watch for and to discuss with your child.

Warning Signs Your Child Might Be Targeted

Children rarely disclose grooming directly. Look for these changes in behavior:

Sudden increase or decrease in time spent online or with one particular person.
Secrecy about devices, messages, or where they have been.
Unexplained gifts, money, or special attention from one adult.
Defensiveness or lying when asked about online activity.
Using sexual language or knowledge beyond their typical age.
Emotional withdrawal, anxiety, or becoming overly attached to one person.
Skipping normal activities or suddenly changing friend groups.

These signs can overlap with normal teenage behavior. That is why combining them with the phrases listed above and regular conversations is essential.

Age-Appropriate Conversation Starters

Regular, calm conversations are one of the most effective ways to protect children. Being calm with boys teaches them how to regulate emotions. Start early, keep the talks natural, and use everyday moments such as car rides or after watching a show. Always reassure your child that they can tell you anything and that it is never their fault. Here are practical starters organized by age group. They connect directly to the red-flag phrases and behaviors covered earlier.

Young Children (Ages 3–8)

“Your body belongs to you. The parts covered by a swimsuit are private. No one should ask to see or touch them. What would you do if someone did?”
“Some secrets are fun, like a surprise party. But if someone says ‘This is our secret—don’t tell Mom or Dad,’ that’s a bad secret. Who are three trusted adults you can always tell?”
“People online might pretend to be kids. We only talk to people we know in real life. What would you do if a stranger asked for a picture or said to keep it secret?

”Tweens (Ages 9–12)“Have you seen anything online that made you feel uncomfortable? Tell me about it.”
“Sometimes people give lots of compliments or gifts and then ask for secrets or private photos. Why might that not be okay? What would you do?”
“If someone says ‘Don’t tell your parents’ or ‘This is just between us,’ how would that make you feel? Who could you talk to?”
“What’s the difference between someone being nice and someone pressuring you?

”Teens (Ages 13–18)

“What makes a relationship healthy? What are warning signs—like pressure, secrecy, or demands for photos?”
“Have you or your friends gotten messages that felt off—like someone older pretending to be your age or pushing for private pictures?”
“In a healthy relationship, is it ever okay for someone to say ‘If you really cared about me…’ or threaten to share something? Why or why not?”
“What would you do if someone online asked for explicit photos or said it was ‘no big deal’?”End every conversation with: “I’m always here. You can tell me anything.

”These starters are based on guidance from NCMEC discussion guides and NSPCC resources. The more often you have these talks, the more natural they become.

What Parents Can Do Right Now

Have regular, judgment-free conversations about online life, friends, and feelings.
Set clear family rules: No secrets from parents. Know the apps your child uses and who they talk to.
Monitor thoughtfully and watch for the phrases and behavior changes listed in this newsletter.
Teach consent and boundaries consistently. Real friends and safe adults never pressure or demand secrecy.
Trust your instincts. Listen to your intuition. If something feels off, document your concerns and investigate calmly.
If your child discloses anything concerning, respond with calm support and believe them first.

Grooming loses its power when children know they have safe adults they can talk to. Your consistent presence is their strongest protection.

Resources and How to ReportReport Concerns Immediately
NCMEC CyberTipline: report.cybertip.org or 1-800-THE-LOST
FBI tips portal: tips.fbi.gov
Local police or child protective servicesFree Tools for Families
NCMEC NetSmartz (missingkids.org/netsmartz) – Videos, discussion guides, and tip sheets on healthy relationships and online safety.
NSPCC resources on grooming recognition.
FBI Internet safety guides.

In Closing

Groomers rely on silence and lack of awareness. By learning the stages of grooming, memorizing the key phrases they use, watching for changes in behavior, and having regular age-appropriate conversations, you remove their advantage. Share this newsletter with other parents, coaches, teachers, and caregivers. The more people who recognize these patterns, the safer our children will be. Start with one conversation this week. Your child is worth every effort. Stay vigilant.